Packet of letters
by rjwritergirl
Summary: In series 3, Anna and Mr. Bates' letters are stopped, when they finally get their packet of letter's what's in them? What made them laugh in the letters, what did Mr. Bates write that made Anna cry?
1. Chapter 1: Shock and Denial: Anna

_Here's my first Downton Abbey fic, I've recently became a fan of the show and in my re-watch of season 3 (yay for DVD's!) I got to wondering, what exactly were Mr. Bates and Anna's responses to the letters being stopped when Bates was in prison. We got a feel for it I think, but I decided to go a little deeper into what they were thinking. I forget the exact wording, but Mr. Bates said something to the effect of "I thought she'd given up on me." Basically, he thought he'd lost her, what do you do when you lose someone close to you? You go through the stages of grief. This fic will be 14 chapters long, one chapter for each stage of grief, but both Anna and Mr. Bates will be going through the stages of grief. This chapter is short, the actual chapter (sans authors notes) barely tops 1,100 words but it ended well where it did._

_Chapter 1: Shock and Denial; Anna_

Anna woke crying. It was something that had happened before and she quickly wiped her tears and made sure she looked all right for work. It wouldn't do to look ill, then Mrs. Hughes or Lady Mary might insist she take the whole day off and she would have enough of a problem filling the empty hours since she had a half day off today. She got dressed, slipping her wedding ring back onto its proper place. The calendar on the wall taunted her, it seemed to be asking her to look at it, something she did every morning as she had discovered early on in this job that you could easily loose track of the days if you weren't careful. Finally, the taunting was too much and she glanced at the calendar and her heart skipped a beat so suddenly she had to gasp for air and sit back onto her bed. Not for the first time that year, she was once again thankful that as a Lady's Maid she got her own room, she let out a gasping sob and tried to compose herself once again. She would have hated to have broken down in front of one of the younger maids. Jane and Gwen had been all right, but she wasn't particularly close to any of the current maids.

She'd known what day it was, why had it come as a shock? One year ago today she'd laid out her few dresses and tried to pick between them, _which one should I get married in?_ She'd wondered.

She heard a knock on her door and quickly forced a composed look onto her face, she wiped all traces of tears from her eyes and went down to breakfast. She slipped in quietly and began eating her breakfast. "Good Morning, Anna." Mrs. Hughes said quietly.

Anna smiled at the older woman. "Good morning." she returned the greeting.

Mr. Carson came into the servant's hall and began passing out the post, Anna looked up, hopefully, she hadn't gotten a letter in a few days, maybe today...

But Mr. Carson skipped over her, "No letter's for me?" she asked, asking the question before she could stop the words.

"No Anna, no letters today."

Anna hid her disappointment and started eating again. Maybe his letter had been delayed. She didn't get one every week, but with it being their first anniversary today she had hoped to get a letter. Today was her half day so after she finished dressing Lady Mary she hurried down to Ripon, maybe a letter had come, but it had been misplaced and hadn't made the journey to Downton.

Disappointment coursed through her again as she heard from the postmaster that there was no letter. She slowly walked out, her head hanging slightly. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up really, but she had especially been missing John today. She checked the time and realized that she'd gotten married a year before nearly to the hour.

She fiddled with her ring and sat down on a bench, perhaps John's mail was being stopped? but for what reason? She thought for a moment and came up with the idea that he'd willingly stopped writing to her. No, that wasn't it. It couldn't be. John wouldn't do that to her, at the very least he'd send her one last letter saying he wouldn't write to her any more, and his last letter hadn't said anything of the sort.

She sighed and glanced around as tears filled her eyes. A window display suddenly caught her eye, there was a nice set of stationery with a pen, she stared at it for a moment before hurrying inside. The purchase was frivolous, but she wanted a nice anniversary present.

After buying it, she hurried out of the store and began to make her way home. She was nearly out of town when another display caught her eye, some perfume was in the window, on a pillow. She quietly entered the shop, she didn't recognize the woman behind the counter and she smiled as the woman greeted her. "Hello, can I help you?"

"My husband and I are separated at the moment, and we're only able to write letters, today is our first anniversary..." Anna knew she was rambling, but she then gestured to the perfume in the window. "Could you help me with picking out a perfume to..." she blushed now at how forward she was being.

"I'll be happy to help you." The woman said, she came out from behind the counter. "Now, how long has it been since you've seen your husband?"

"Three weeks."

"How long will it be until you see him again?" she moved to where there was another display of perfume Anna could see another couple of bottles like the one in the window.

"I'm not sure." Anna said, she didn't know how long it would take to get another letter and he usually told her the day she could visit in his letters to her.

"All right," the woman said, she took one bottle off the shelf, "Here's what we can do, if we spray the perfume on a sheet of paper, you can smell it and decide if it's the perfume you want."

Anna nodded and they began testing out the perfume's. Finally, Anna decided on one, and after doing a double take on the price, she bought it, with the instructions to spray her stationary with it and wear it the next time she saw her husband ringing in her ears, she put it into her bag and went back to Downton. She still had time off before the dinner gong so she quickly took out some of the new stationary and began writing.

_My dearest love,_ she began.

_One year ago today I became your wife and my life has been richer for it. I don't regret it for a moment. The one night we spent in each other arms was worth the difficulties we've had to face this year. Our one night together and the past year have shown me just how strong and beautiful our love can be._

She wrote for a while longer, blushing slightly at some parts, but smiling fondly at other times. Finally she concluded,

_Who knows what the next year will bring, hopefully it'll bring you out of prison and (she blushed again at this part) back into my arms once more,_

_For richer or poorer, better or for worse, I'll forever be;_

_Your Anna._

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_Please review!_


	2. Chapter 2: Shock and Denial: Mr Bates

_Here's chapter 2 of packet of letter, Mr. Bates is going through the shock and Denial stage right now._

_Enjoy!_

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John woke with a start as he heard some yelling echoing in the prison. He could hear guards yelling and pounding. He looked desperately towards the door as he heard one burst open. Were the guards bursting into his cell? No, that was happening in the cell next to him. His breath evened out and he tried to get back to sleep, back to the dream he'd been having. But it hadn't been a dream, it had been a memory and he tried to recall every detail about that night. The look and feel of her long hair, the smile she'd sent him, the smell of the lavender on the bed sheets and the sight of her before him. A year ago today, he'd married the most wonderful woman in the world. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve anything about her, but for some reason she wanted him and who was he to say no? And now because he couldn't say no to her, she was his, in more than just name.

The guards soon came knocking. Time to wake up. Groaning, he got up and got ready for the day. Soon he was up and being led down to breakfast, after breakfast he was forced into line to get post. The line seemed especially slow today, and as he got up to the front, he found he'd gotten in line in vain. Nothing. He kept walking, making his way back to his cell. Why hadn't Anna written him? He shook his head slightly, trying to clear the disappointment. Sometimes there was a week or so that he didn't get a letter, and then the next letter he'd get was full of apologies for not writing him. He'd just wait until the next letter came. He laid on his bunk and slid his fingers underneath the bunk above him, slipping his letters out, he re-read Anna's last letter for what felt like the millionth time. He didn't even need to read it, he'd committed it to memory already, he just needed to see her handwriting. He needed to see something that was her.

_My dearest love,_

She always started her letters the same way and he adored her for it, it was like she knew he needed the extra reassurance that she still loved him even though they were apart and he was in this horrible place.

_Lady Mary retired early so I got a chance to write you earlier than I normally do. Maybe tonight when I fall asleep I'll dream that we have our hotel, where you and I work together with our children (Nathan, Elizabeth and John Jr.) We work hard every day but the hard work is worth it because we're together._

The letter continued and when he reached the closing, he smiled at the ending she always used.

_For richer or poorer, better or worse, I'll forever be;_

_Your Anna_

Sighing heavily, he got out of bed and started to write another letter to Anna.

_My Anna;_

_I woke up today, dreading the date. A year ago, I was the happiest man alive. Now, I'm separated from you and in this horrible place. Sometimes it seems like I've been here for ages, and then on days like today I remember just how short a time I've spent here, and how long I must continue to stay. Can it really be that only a year has passed? It seems like much longer, much longer than a year has passed since we've been in each other's arms. Although I've been apart from you for nearly a year at this point, I don't regret marrying you. I don't regret us being together as husband and wife, the most wonderful night of my life. The only thing I regret is not marrying you sooner. Perhaps if we had married earlier, we could have had more then one night together and a couple days of stolen kisses. Those memories are the only thing that sustains me in this place._

John knew Anna would blush a deep pink at that and he tried not to remember the last time he'd made her blush so deeply, the only night he'd been able to hold her. Remembering would only make this place that much more of a nightmare when he returned from his daydream. He wrote for nearly an hour, sometimes scribbling furiously and other times, he just stared at the half-written letter in confusion, trying to figure out how to word what came next. He talked of their night together, he didn't want to go into great detail as he had the feeling that the guards read his mail, but he also wanted to speak with her about it, and he couldn't exactly say anything when they were visiting. Anna had been a little more forward in her letters then she had been on their wedding night. Maybe if he hadn't been arrested she'd be more forward in person, in private. Right now however, all they had were private letters.

Finally though, he finished the letter:

_Your devoted;_

_ John_

Post was delivered again two days later, he slipped the letter for Anna into the mail slot and walked back to his cell, still no letter from Anna. Had she given up on him? The very thought made his chest tighten and he had to take several deep breaths to calm himself. That couldn't be it. Despite her denials, Anna was too much of a lady to have given up on him, at least without a letter of explanation and her last letter had been full of news from the house and the case. If she had given up, she would have given him an explanation, either in a letter or in a visit. Since that hadn't happened, John could only assume that she was busy, maybe Lady Mary had been traveling and Anna had been so busy that she didn't have time to write. That was it, he just had to be patient, Anna would write in time.

Pulling out another sheet of paper he began to compose another letter.

_My Anna;_

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	3. Chapter 3: Pain and Guilt: Anna

**So I had major writers block with this chapter, I'll post with more regularity from now on. Oh this story is rated T and it's a heavy T, Anna and Bates are married and in love and although they can't be together in the physical sense, they write...yeah.**

**Here's chapter 3, Pain and guilt; Anna.**

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Anna glanced up as Mr. Carson brought the post in. She tried not to get her hopes up but felt them dashed again as Mr. Carson handed mail to everyone but her. Mrs. Hughes patted her hand and Anna forced a smile at the woman.

Had she done anything to offend John? Not for the first time she mentally went through her previous letters, maybe she'd said something. Then she went over their last visit together, had she said something offensive? She couldn't recall but maybe John had misinterpreted something she'd said.

"Don't you have a visit to Mr. Bates soon?" Mrs. Hughes asked.

"Our last few visits have been the last Friday of the month." Anna said quietly, "but since he hasn't written in so long…"

"I'm taking that day off, I'll go with you and wait outside the prison." Mrs. Hughes said.

Anna nodded and a bell rang, Thomas left the Servants Hall and the rest of them began to get ready to go about their duties. "Thank you Mrs. Hughes."

"You're welcome Anna."

That Friday, both Anna and Mrs. Hughes left Downton Abbey and traveled to York Prison. Mrs. Hughes smiled her support as Anna walked up the street to the prison. She waited in line at the front office and finally approached one of the guards, "I'm here to see my husband, John Bates." She said.

The guard glanced down the list before addressing Anna, "Bates? He looked over the roster in front of him. "I don't have a visit scheduled today."

"We always visit on the last Friday of the month," Anna told him.

"I don't have you on the list of visitors." The guard seemed frustrated with Anna's insistence.

"But we always..." The look he gave her made her trail off, her thought unfinished. "Can I schedule a visit for next Friday?" she asked.

"You have to go through proper channels." The guard said shortly, then he looked past her and said "Next?"

Anna made it out to where Mrs. Hughes was waiting before the tears came. "What happened? Mrs. Hughes asked, she placed an arm around Anna's shoulders and they walked away from the prison.

"I wasn't on the list of visitors." Anna wiped at the tears. She knew that people were staring so she directed Mrs. Hughes to a small cafe where she'd spent some time waiting for the bus back to Ripon.

"The tale came out, that she hadn't received a letter in nearly a month, and that she wasn't on the list of visitors. "I must have dome something to hurt him." Anna said.

"I'm sure this is a big misunderstanding."

"I haven't gotten a letter from him since last month when we visited." Anna said, "I wasn't on the list of visitors, I must have done something to hurt his feelings. Or what if he's decided to stop fighting to be pardoned?"

Mrs. Hughes seemed to be at a loss for words. "Not writing doesn't sound like him, Anna, do you think maybe something happened at Prison and his letters and visits were stopped?"

"He couldn't have done something, he wouldn't pick a fight or hurt anybody. How could he be in trouble?"

"I don't know dear." Mrs. Hughes said, patting Anna's hands. "Why don't we stay here for a little bit, take the train back and figure out what to do next."

Anna nodded and wiped a tear. "I can't help but think that I did something wrong."

"You did not, Mr. Bates would not ignore you if you'd hurt his feelings."

The wait was long, but the two women made their way to the bus stop.

_Dear John_; When they were back at Downton, Anna began another letter to her husband.

_I tried to visit today, but the guard denied having me down for a visit. Did I do anything to offend you?_

Writing seemed to be therapy for her, she still felt like she'd done something wrong but she felt better after writing out her worries.

_I hope this is just a big misunderstanding, both the lack of letters and the visit._

_Until , I'll always be_

_Your Anna._

She folded the letter up and slipped it into an envelope. Then, remembering the scent she'd bought a couple of weeks before, she added some to the envelope and then prepared it for the mail.

She set the letter on her table by the door and began to prepare for bed. Sleep evaded her however and she went back to her desk and pulled out another sheet of writing paper.

"_My Dearest Mr. Bates;_

It was a game they played, the more formal the greeting, the more sensual the letter. Anna had learned the hard way not to open letters addressed to "Mrs. John Bates." at the table during breakfast.

_I'm unable to sleep tonight, part of me wonders why I haven't received a letter from you, but another (larger) part of me is remembering our night together and wondering if we'll ever have another night like that. It may be unladylike for me to say it, but I crave you. You've spoiled me, I was able to sleep a full night before we married, but now I have trouble making it through the night without waking and reaching for you. I'm glad I don't share a room anymore. It means I can think about you and our night together as much as I want once the door is closed. I sometimes wonder what your reaction would be if you saw me in nothing but the garter I bought for you and the wedding ring you bought for me."_

She wrote for nearly an hour, finally stopping when she could barely keep her eyes open.

_I'll forever desire you,_

_Your Anna._

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_Please review!_


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